GAME CHANGER, 2019

GARDEN

I’ve been dreaming ‘bout a garden 
I want to be the kind of girl who doesn’t kill a garden 
I want to pay the bills and still not kill the garden 

I want to be successful 
In my love and my art 
Want to finish what I start 
Successful 
Not the status, the wealth 
But my passion, my health 
Successful 

Heart of our nation’s pride 
To never be satisfied 
Why would you settle
Why would you crawl 
If you can have it all? 

I need a vacation 
From chasing my dreams 
Don’t we all need a vacation? 
I want to write a good song 
Have long talks with my mom 
With patience 

Heart of our nation’s pride 
to never be satisfied 
Bigger and better and never enough 
We want time with our families 
But family’s what screwed us up in the first place 
With dreams of our futures 
A job and a marriage 
Resolve at the new year 
Why would you settle 
Why would you crawl 
If you could have it all? 
If you could have it all? 

I want to be grateful.

 

HOLY ARE WE 

Holy are we 
With her hand on my knee 
An unyielding reverie 

Blessed her lips 
And the turn of her wrists 
Try and tempt me, I will not resist 

Oh, if my greatest sin 
Is to love her well 
You can send me to hell 

Patience and prayer 
With her hand in my hair 
Fears relieved, burdens shared 

If my greatest sin  
Is to love her well 
You can send me to hell 

Holding my breath 
With her hand at my breast 
We are sacred and nothing less 

If my greatest sin 
Is to love her well 
You can send me to hell 
Send me to hell 

For loving well

 

IN AMERICA

One by one we fall in line  
To reach for the precious prize 
to the promised land singing yes we can 
stomachs bigger than our eyes 
Oh it’s yelled out loud 
and it’s murmured low 
there’s a chance for you and me 
to have all we dreamed and even more it seems 
that’s the curse of liberty 

Welcome to America 
The land of the rich and free 
Where hard work gets rewarded  
And the money grows on trees 
Well it’s rags to riches baby that’s our story 
And we’re sticking to it 
If you don’t make it big 
You can’t claim the game was rigged,  
‘Cause in America you manifest your own destiny 

So stack the deck and deal a hand 
And if your Daddy’s rich 
Every card you hold will be turned to gold 
for a white man and his tricks 
And you’ll stop to think as you comb your hair 
and straighten out your tie 
How the bottom few could be privileged too 
if they’d buckle down and try 

Welcome to America 
The land of the rich and free 
Where hard work gets rewarded  
And the money grows on trees 
Well it’s rags to riches baby that’s our story 
And we’re sticking to it 
If you don’t make it big 
You can’t claim the game was rigged,  
‘Cause in America you manifest your own destiny 

Tunnel vision makes you stronger 
narcissism is the way to get ahead 
Don’t you ever stop to wonder 
about the ones that had to pay to make your bed 

Ninety-nine we fall behind while one fool takes the prize 
But we won’t stay down forever 
See it twitching in our eyes 
A revolution is on it’s way 
And there’s nowhere to hide 
All the earnings that you’ve stolen 
All your greed and all your pride 

Welcome to America 
The land of the filthy free 
Where hard work gets you nowhere 
And the money is diseased 
Well it’s rags to riches baby that’s a tall-tale 
But we are sticking to it 
Cause if you make it big 
In America you manifest your own destiny 
In America they say the rest is history

 

GAME CHANGER

I want to be me 
Wanna be my truest self 
I want to work hard and play hard 
And get my fill 
And I want to see you  
See you in the afternoon light 
With your doubts and your certainties 
All in sight 

I am scared 
But I am steady 
I could love you  
If you are ready 

Game changer, cling to me 
Fill your lungs with gold and rubies 
Rule breaker, it might hurt me 
But love is grand and we are worthy 

I will lean against your hard lines 
But I can hold the tenderness too 
I will lift you up, you lift me up 
Like dreamers do 
And I will learn to take up space 
You’ll learn again to bend your walls 
And together we’ll remember how to fall 

I am scared 
But I am steady  
I could love you 
If you are ready 

Game changer, cling to me 
Fill your lungs with gold and rubies 
Rule breaker, it might hurt me 
But love is grand and we are worthy 

I give up, I give in 
How deep the cut 
How quick you sink beneath my skin 

I give up, I give in 
You’re enough  
And this is somewhere to begin again 

I am scared 
But I am steady 
I could love you 
If you are ready

 

SINCERELY

We were tiny young things 
When they filled our heads with love songs 
The fabled romantic affair 
Now we spend our days longing 
For that one true love to keep us 
From a long lonely despair 

And we fall for it hard 
Yes we play by the rules 
So bewitched by the target but oh, 
And how cruel it seems 
Such an unforgiving dream 
We’ve been set up for a crushing defeat 

Tell me who measures up 
To the fantasies, the fiction? 
Who reads the thoughts in your head? 
What if love is ordinary 
Like patience and forgiveness 
And taking turns making the bed? 

I’m a cynic these days 
But I want to believe 
A more humble endeavor might still be 
Worth working toward 
Your dirty clothes all on the floor 
Maybe romance loving is a hard earned reward 

Is it hope or delusion? 
Are we heroes or human? 
I’ve come to believe 
Something in between 

See, there you are so imperfect 
There you are and it’s clear 
I don’t have the words yet  
But love 
Sincerely 
I am willing 
And what greater oath  
Can an honest heart make?

 

RABBIT IN THE ROAD, 2017

YOU’RE THROUGH

I learned to love you 
Though I never thought I could 
Learned to take you in stride 
Learned to jump when I should 
And you tell me you’re through 
You tell me you’re through 
But that doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop loving you 

Remember kisses 
Hornets buzzing above us? 
Remember singing our songs? 
Remember how much they loved us? 
And you tell me you’re through 
You tell me you’re through 
But that doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop loving you 

You’ll scream and cry 
On someone else’s shoulder 
And I’ll know for sure then 
We’ll both know it’s over 
And you tell me you’re through 
You tell me you’re through 
And somehow I’ll learn to stop loving you 

 

DEEP BRUISES 

Erase the past and start anew 
In time you’ll do just like you always do 
You keep walking down the same old path 
Expecting a different view 
But honey 
No one’s as predictable 
Predictable as you 

You go round and round 
Keep falling on the same hard ground 
Brush the dirt off of your knees 
Flash a smile so no one sees 
And hide your deep bruises, deep 

Somebody new will always come along 
And just like me they’ll learn  
To blame the siren’s song 
You’re so quick to profess your love 
A moment’s certainty 
But honey 
Not everyone is as gullible 
As gullible as me 

You go round and round 
Keep falling on the same hard ground 
Brush the dirt off of your knees 
Don’t stick around to watch me bleed 
‘Cause I see your deep bruises, deep 

The happy couple strikes a perfect pose 
But everything that’s new must turn to old 
And then what? And then what? 

And then you’ll erase the past and start again 
You keep fighting loneliness with 
Man after woman after man 
You say forever like it means something 
Like you have never said it before 
But honey 
Nobody believes your broken record anymore 

You go round and round 
Keep falling on the same hard ground 
Wipe the dirt off of your knees 
Someone call the doctor please 
And heal those deep bruises, deep 
And heal those deep bruises, deep 

 

READY FREDDIE 

I can’t keep you from the world 
The world is closing in 
And I can’t teach you to become the things 
I wish I could have been 
You can’t make the time go faster 
And I can’t slow it down at all 
I can’t make you learn your lesson 
Each time you trip and fall 

But I will be right behind 
Cheering you on all the time, all the time 

When you were small I had the answers 
And you believed without a doubt 
Now you’re never satisfied  
Until you try it for yourself 
You’re pushing for your freedom 
Then you’re pulling back in fear 
Well, it’s a mess 
But it’s a beautiful thing, my dear 

And I will be right behind 
Cheering you on all the time 

‘Cause I know you can take it 
I believe that you will make it 
On your own somehow 
Maybe not right now 
But I can see you’re almost ready 
Do you think you’re ready, Freddie? 
Say it right out loud 
You’re gonna make me proud 

Where’d you learn to be so brave? 
How’d you grow to be so tall? 
The way you know exactly what you want 
And how to win it all 
You’re trying on your conscience 
And you’ll make a few mistakes 
But all hurts can be forgiven 
If you look them in the face 

And I will be right behind 
Cheering you on all the time 

‘Cause I know you can take it 
I believe that you will make it 
On your own somehow 
Maybe not right now 
But I can see you’re almost ready 
Do you think you’re ready, Freddie? 
Say it right out loud 
You’re gonna make me proud 

 

UP FROM DOWN 

Go ahead and find a good friend 
And see what he can give you 
And if he’s better than me 
If he likes to drink coffee 
If he’s got what you need 
And he makes you feel pretty 

Then go ahead and tell me I’m no good 
You’ll say I’m good, just not good for you 
You never knew what was missing 
‘Til you saw for yourself 
And I wasn’t listening 
Until the ceiling fell 

But now I don’t know up from down 
All I knew for certain came crashing around me 
You take the car and hit the town with your new best friend 
And I’ll be waiting in bed 

You say you want to give it one last try 
But the competition is reeling high 
How do you think I’ll compare 
If he likes to go dancing 
The fight isn’t fair 
And it’s our family you’re chancing 

And even if we’re not a perfect fit 
I say that really no one is 
We all have things to offer 
And we all fall short 
You promised you’d love me 
Even if it got hard 

But now I don’t know up from down 
All I knew for certain came crashing around me 
I’ll spend my time hoping you won’t change your mind again 
And I’ll be waiting in bed 

I promise to love you 
And love myself 
Through good or bad 
I promise that 
I will try my best to stick by you 

But even so there’s no denying 
God knows you’re bad at lying 
I can tell that you’re happy  
When I’m not around 
Like I’ve been holding you back 
Like I’ve been holding you down 

And I could stay just like our parents did 
Unhappy for the sake of the kids 
You could leave me for someone 
And then leave them too 
Why don’t you do what comes easy 
But I’ll do something new 

But now I don’t know up from down 
All I knew for certain came crashing around me 
I’m tired of fighting for a life that wasn’t meant to be 
I guess it’s time I set myself free 

 

STILL MY WIFE 

Hearts and flowers, a trillion hours 
Christmas trees to dress 
Us slow dancing in the kitchen 
Chicken soup with a kiss 

You were still my wife 
When you looked ahead 
And you were still my wife 
Making plans like I was dead 
You were still my wife 
With your eyes set fast 
On the boy you said 
Didn’t mean a thing 

Compromise and codependence 
Promises above all 
Waking up from the same old nightmare 
Why’d you let me fall? 

You were still my wife 
When you came home late 
And you were still my wife 
As I lay in bed awake 
You were still my wife 
Lying through your teeth 
About a boy you said 
Didn’t mean a thing 

Well, I know you didn’t make a move 
Until you told me it was through 
But I heard you dreaming about it 
While I was lying next to you 

And you were still my wife 
When you held his hand 
You were still my wife 
When you told him he was your man 
You were still my wife 
Making love in my old bed 
To the boy you said 
Didn’t mean a thing 
You told me he didn’t mean anything 
Looks like he meant something after all 

 

DON’T NEED ANYONE 

I’ve been thinking 
I could have started drinking 
I could have smoked a pack a day 
Sold my things and moved away 
I could have fallen to the gloom 
Locked myself up in my room 
I could have fucked the whole damn town 
You know they never would have turned me down 

But I don’t need anyone but myself 
These two hands are strong enough 
To carry me through hell 
And I don’t need kisses 
I don’t need whispers in the dark 
If I am gonna fall apart 
I’ll put my own self back together 

In the eye of the storm 
A certain kind of strength is born 
I’m not the type to run and hide 
I drew my sword and stepped inside 
You think I need a lover 
To save me from my grief 
Well I don’t want distractions 
I don’t need your second-hand relief 

And I don’t need anyone but myself 
These two hands are strong enough 
To carry me through hell 
And I don’t need kisses 
I don’t need whispers in the dark 
If I am gonna fall apart 
I’ll put my own self back together 

Highest highs, making eyes 
Electric hands, long nights 
Well love is fine, but now is not the time 

It hasn’t been pretty 
I’ve fallen hard down on my knees 
And leaned on a few good friends 
‘Til I could stand on my own again 
When I’m ready for kisses 
I’ll be sure to let you know 
In the meantime I’ve got plans to make 
In the meantime I need room to grow 

And I don’t need anyone but myself 
These two hands are strong enough 
To carry me through hell 
And I don’t need kisses 
I don’t need whispers in the dark 
If I am gonna fall apart 
I’ll put my own self back together 

 

RABBIT IN THE ROAD 

You’re scared of getting stuck 
Scared to be alone 
You’re scared of your own history 
And now you’re scared of all my songs 
But there’s a beating in your chest 
Just like the one in mine 
And I remember you smiling 
I remember all the time 

Oh, we’ll still grow old 
Not side by side but on our own 
I cannot say I trust you 
And I don’t want to be your friend 
But I think I see your goodness again 

Your love is unsurpassed 
It burns bright and it burns fast 
It’s not the kind of love you can count on 
But it’s stunning while it lasts 
You’re driven by the impulse 
It never lets you rest 
And I know you didn’t mean to hurt me 
You just did what you do best 

Oh, we’ll still grow old 
Not side by side but on our own 
I cannot say I trust you 
And I don’t want to be your friend 
But I think I see your goodness again 

Sparkling eyes in a crowded room 
I still think of you in the springtime 
When your favorite flowers bloom 
When your favorite flowers bloom 

You stepped out of the car 
For the rabbit in the road 
You couldn’t bear to watch him suffer 
Lying mangled in the snow 
With your hands around his neck 
You spared his misery 
How swift you gave that rabbit 
What you couldn’t give to me 

Oh, we’ll still grow old 
Not side by side but on our own 
I cannot say I trust you 
And I don’t want to be your friend 
But I think I see your goodness again 

 

MAMA 

I know I haven’t been perfect 
I never claimed to be 
But every parent says that it’s worth it 
And I can’t disagree 
I was just a child myself 
When I made my mind up to be  
Yours forever 

You were my baby 
And I was your mama 
Right now everything is changing 
But that’s not gonna 
‘Cause I made a promise 
And I’m going to keep it 
It’s not blood that makes it true 
It’s the love I have for you 

And every lullabye 
Every kiss goodnight 
Every time I tied your shoes 
Every ride home from school 
Every tooth-fairy dime 
Every five minute time-out 
I am yours, always. 

I’m not just your used-to-be-stepmom 
You’re not just my used-to-be-kid 
Until the end of time, it might take long 
I’m gonna love you like I always did 
You’re on my mind day and night 
Crossing my fingers as I watch you take flight 

And you’re still my baby 
I’m still you’re mama 
Right now everything is changing 
But that’s not gonna 
‘Cause I made a promise 
And I’m gonna keep it 
It’s not blood that makes it true 
It’s the love I have for you  
And every fight, every tear 
Every middle school fear 
Every teenage romance 
And your first awkward slow dance 
All the trampoline fun 
When your homework is done 
I am yours, always 

When you’re sick, when you’re sleepy 
Any reason that you need me 
To help with math or braid your hair 
Call my name and I’ll be there 
Remember running in the rain? 
Remember snuggles under blankets? 
Drawing pictures on your back 
Do you remember that? 

Soon you’ll be a lady 
But I’ll still be your mama 
Right now everything is changing 
But that’s not gonna 
‘Cause I made a promise 
And I keep my promises 
It’s not blood that makes it true 
It’s the love I have for you 

And every graduation day 
Every love that walks away 
Every job, every move 
Every time you try out something new 
And if the day comes 
That someone calls you “Mama” 
I’ll be there, I am yours, always 

 

HIT BY A BUS 

Call off your spies 
I don’t want your eyes upon me 
And if you wonder how I am doing 
Just use your imagination, honey 

I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus 
Feel like I am just holding on 
I’m grieving like you would 
If I had taken all that’s good 
And ripped it from your hands 
But yeah, I’m doing great 
And I cannot say I hate 
The thought of never seeing you again 

You cut my best leg off 
Above the knee 
And I will learn to thrive without it 
But how dare you turn around 
And punish me 
For the limp, for the scars I am left with? 
Do they make you uncomfortable? 

I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus 
Feel like I am just holding on 
I cry like you would cry 
If a bomb fell from the sky 
And wiped away everything you loved 
But yeah, I’m doing fine 
And I cannot say I mind 
The thought of never seeing you again 

I will forgive you, but I won’t forget 
Your greed it undid you 
And I know exactly what to expect 

I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus 
Feel like I am just holding on  
But if pain can light a fire 
Then watch me burn across the sky brighter 
Than any star you have ever seen before 
And don’t you even try 
To take credit when I fly 

Hell yes I’m doing great 
And I cannot say I hate 
The thought of never seeing you again 

 

I PRAY 

I can’t breathe 
I can’t eat 
I can’t keep this heart  
Beat-beating 
I’m a warrior 
I’m a wreck 
I can’t remember happy 
But I can’t forget 

And I would do anything 
But there is nothing I can do 
So I lace my fingers 
And I pray for you 

I pray, I pray 
To no one in particular 
That they help you find your way 
I pray, I pray 
That my love will keep you safe 
Yes, at the start of every day I pray 

My hands are tied 
My eyes are bleeding 
My mind stays up all night 
Solving puzzles on the ceiling 
And should I fight harder? 
Did I let you down? 
I can feel you slipping away 
I can feel myself drowning 

And I would do anything 
But there is nothing I can do 
So I lace my fingers 
And I pray for you 

I pray, I pray 
To no one in particular 
That they help you find your way 
I pray, I pray 
That my love will keep you safe 
My darling, each and every day I pray 

 

BREAK WIDE OPEN 

Hold that thought 
Hold the door 
You see me crying at the grocery store 
Have you ever been so sad before 
Like smashing dishes 
Like knees to the floor 
You can’t keep it quiet 
Can’t hold it tight 
There’s no use in putting up a fight 
So surrender 
But remember 

When your heart aches and won’t bend 
Let it break wide open 
Let it break wide open 
To love with all that you are made of 

Sometimes a blessing will come 
In a painful disguise 
The weight of the blow will open your eyes 
And though the hurt doesn’t leave 
You’ll set it aside 
Learn to forgive and you’ll learn to survive 
In the wake of sorrow, love holds fast 
The kindness of strangers like sun at your back 
So remember 
To surrender 

When your heart aches and won’t bend 
Let it break wide open 
Let it break wide open 
To love with all that you are made of
All that you are made of