MY FATHER LOVED ME, 2023

MY FATHER LOVED ME

There’s a sharp looking man with a farmer's tan 
In my baby book 
Shoulders back, he leaned in to a broken world 
He had a head of curls like his baby girl 
And a devilish grin 
He was a tender hearted trickster 
And I’m a lot like him 

And my father loved me 
When he could not love himself 
He put his faith in me 
When he was certain he would fail 
So when the world has been unkind 
And doubts weigh on my mind 
I try and love myself the way my father loved me 

You won’t say it out loud 
You’re far too proud 
But it’s plain to see 
How his demons follow you 
Just like they follow me 
Between the three of us 
There’s a lot of him 
We got the good and bad 
A steady hand  
And a habit for getting oh, so sad 

But our father loved us 
When he could not love himself 
He put his faith in us 
When he was certain he would fail 
So when the world has been unkind 
And doubts weigh on your mind 
Try and love yourself the way our father loved us 

Like licorice and tobacco and spearmint gum 
When the worry’s coming for you, you better run run run 

There’s a ghost of a man at the back of every hall I sing 
And he’s a braggart, he claims his daughter could do anything 
I wanna be just like him and nothing like him 
At the very same time 

And my father loved me 
When he couldn’t love himself 
How he believed in me 
When he was certain he would fail 
So when the world has been unkind 
And darkness weighs upon my mind 
I try, I try 
And love myself the way my father loved me

 

HOW I WAS MADE

On a piece of drafting paper 
18x24 
Just before the metric system  
Moved its way across the North 

A young man wrote a letter 
Wrote the longest letter ever 
To his girl back in the States 
And that’s how I was made 

She was bright and level-headed 
Quick to rail against the rules 
He was kind and playful 
Determined and true 

And so they built a life together 
Six months and then forever 
In a church back in the States 
And that’s how I was made 

This is love 
This ‘when can I see you?’ 
This ‘you’re on my mind’ 
The rushing in blind 
This is love 

Let the clock run a decade or two 
And what do you have left 
But a sense of obligation  
And the memory of romance 
And the children outside playing 
The mortgage that needs paying 

Was it all a mistake? 
And that’s how I was made 

This is love 
This sticking it out 
This yearn to escape 
But choosing to stay 
This is love 

She’ll ask if he ate 
And she’ll make him a plate 
And he’ll remember Valentine roses 

Time takes two lovers  
And turns them to family 
Familiar, but no less devoted 

To bend and never break 
Yes that’s how I was made 

This is love 
This seeing it through 
The asking for help 
And the bedside farewell  
This is love 

This is love 
This house is too quiet 
And all the reminders  
of two lives intertwined 
This is love

 

DAD WORKED HARD 

My dad worked hard 
From the time he was young 
To win the respect of his father 
The love of his mom 

Nobody had high hopes 
For the scrappy farm kid 
But nobody loved a challenge 
Like my old man did 

So with his hands and his sweat 
With a hammer and a cigarette 
Long hours in the hot sun  
He laid a foundation 

Late for dinner every night 
Sunburn and an appetite 
In the end he made out alright 
With three kids and a frugal wife 

My dad worked hard 
Did yours work harder? 
Is that what his thriving investments prove? 
Well, I’m not saying that he didn’t earn the right to take it easy 
I’m just saying that I’m pretty sure my dad did too 

He got the job done right 
No you couldn’t call him lazy 
And he wouldn’t overcharge you 
Not like the big names did 

He’d build a house from the ground up 
Run the numbers in his head 
He’d make enough to feed the family 
And make it home to tuck me into bed 

And he never gave up 
until his body gave in 
And his mind grew thin 
No you never can tell 
How time will treat you 
She’s a great deceiver 

Now he’s home every night 
He’s home every day too 
He needs help getting out of his chair 
And can’t remember how to tie his shoes 

I’ve been looking for the safety net 
The one that’s supposed to catch him 
When we can’t afford the care he needs 
And he worked his whole god damn life 

My dad worked hard 
Did yours work harder? 
Is that what a comfortable retirement proves? 
I’m not saying that he didn’t earn the right to take it easy 
I’m just saying that I’m pretty sure my dad did too
 

ONTARIO

Riding in the backseat makes me carsick 
Make sure that your sister’s got a bucket 
It’ll be a long drive 
To your father’s side of the border 

Superior, Lake Michigan 
And Erie 
An annual pilgrimage to prove our place 
In the family 

Stop at the Big Boy in Marquette 
Can I get a root beer? Are we there yet? 
Send a postcard from Christmas 
Hit the truck stop in St. Ignace 
Before we cross the Mackinac 
And on through to the 
Green tobacco fields of  

Southern Ontario 
Do you still love my father? 
Ontario 
Could you love a traitor’s daughter 

Bowling five pin at the alley on the corner 
Grab a donut from Tim Horton's 
Get my accent back in order 
Grandma’s elderberry pie 
And grandpa’s yard sale finds 
And by leaving time 
I’m Canadian again 

But Dad, do you ever get homesick? 
How come they never visit? 
And when you're working so hard 
Are you just trying to forget? 
Are you just trying to forget? 

Ontario 
Do you still love my father? 
Ontario 
Could you love a traitor's daughter? 

Driving through the night 
When I was older 
It was my turn at the wheel 
But Dad said move on over 
Get in back, so I sat 
And thought about how easily he falls asleep 
When he’s reading, watching tv 
Is it safe to shut my eyes 

Oh God 

The car rolled once 
The car rolled twice 
The car rolled… 
The glass broke… 
Before I heard the siren’s cry 
I was sure that I had died 

Riding in the backseat makes me nervous 
Love, don’t bring it up it isn’t worth it 

You’ve got to bury it deep 
Bury it deep, bury it 
Bury it deep, bury it deep 
Bury it  
Bury it deep, bury it deep 
Bury it deep 
Like your dad does
 

FAMILY SECRETS

My arms are too long for my body 
And my hands are too big for my arms 
But my dad 
Part man, part orangutan 
Held me close and he kept me from harm 
So why waste my time 
Wishing that I were proportionate? 

And my skin is too thin for my family 
How they laugh at my sensitive ways 
Whether I’m happy or sad 
I cry just like my dad 
But I am proud to let it be named 
I may be soft but I am not ashamed 

And isn’t it brave? 
To take what you’ve been given 
The parts you kept hidden 
The traits you denied 
To find a strength 
In what looked like a weakness 
Take your old family secrets 
And wear them with pride 
Mmmm 

So if your cheeks burn red when you’re nervous 
If your hair curls tight in the heat 
Know we all came from someplace 
You’ve got your great-grandmother’s face 
And walk the earth  
With your ancestors' steady feet 

And isn’t it brave? 
To take what you’ve been given 
The parts you kept hidden 
The traits you denied 
To find a strength 
In what looked like a weakness 
Take your old family secrets 
And wear them with pride


BOBBY

You’re going to give your mother a heart attack 
Climbing on the rafters of the barn like that 
Get your feet on the ground 
Your chores done fast 
Before the bus comes 

Strong as an ox, stubborn as a mule 
Still smaller than most the boys at school 
The dinner bell rings you’ll eat your weight in food 
If they’d let you 

At least that's how I imagine you 
The kid version of a man that I once knew 

Racing your bike down the tree lined street 
A notch in your belt for every tractor you beat 
The dog at your side and the dirt in the heat 
Of the afternoon sun 

Dressed for church in your Sunday best 
Your holey-est socks in honor of the blessed Savior 
Neighbors, family and friends 
Gathered around you 

Everyone’s a sinner and everyone’s a saint 
The kind of small town living 
Where everybody knows your name 
And there goes Bobby with his eyes of blue 
The kid version of a man that I once knew 

Did you rule the rink 
When the temperature dropped? 
Like Bobby Hull taking a slap shot 
Like Bobby Ore dancing on ice 
Your namesakes on your mind 
But you were one of a kind 

Bobby 

Mind your little sister 
While Mum cans the peaches 
Swear it wasn’t your fault when she screeches 
Get outside and leave the kitchen in peace 
Just for once 

All the aunts and uncles around the piano 
Cowboy tunes and gospel like the Grand Ol’ 
Opry right there in your living room 
Long past bedtime 

Bobby 
Who did you know and who did you love? 
What kind of life were you dreaming of? 

Sometimes I like to imagine you 
The kid version of a man that I once knew

 
 GHOST OF MY FATHER

Name your faith 
And hold to it tight 
We all know how this ends 
We all hope to be right 

But will a myth save your soul? 
Do you have one to begin with? 
How can you be sure? 

I sit quiet and still 
With the ghost of my father 
Until it is clear 
Why he’s dead and I’m here 
But where is ‘here’ exactly? 
What’s beyond? No one knows 
But the ghost of my father 
The ghost… 

Are our fates predetermined 
Am I acting a part? 
Oh, the burden of consciousness 
The break of the heart 

Tell me what makes a life 
Worth living or ending 
At the edge of the night? 

I sit quiet and still 
With the ghost of my father 
Until it is clear 
Why he’s dead and I’m here 
But where is ‘here’ exactly? 
What’s beyond? No one knows 
But the ghosts of our fathers 
The ghosts surely know 

I am pointlessly searching 
Won’t someone assure me? 
Will my efforts be wasted? 
My existence erased 
At my ragged last breath? 
Oh, look at me death 
Look me straight in the eyes 

What does a dying man owe us? 
Should he wear a brave face? 
Make the leaving look easy? 
Surrender with grace? 

But you were frightened and small 
When the tether gave way 
And I have not forgotten 
No, I am not the same 

I sit quiet and still  
With the ghost of my father 
Hoping he’ll make it clear 
Why he’s dead and I’m here 
But where is ‘here’ exactly? 
What’s beyond? I’ll never know 
‘Til I’m a ghost like my father 
A ghost


HEART ON FIRE

Tendon muscle bone 
When I’m alone 
Sometimes I'll add up all the  
Parts that made you whole 
The flesh and cartilage 
And all I know is 
If we go to worms  
Or go to flames  
It’s all the same 
It’s just an end and a beginning 
No one’s lost and no one’s winning 

So light the funeral pyre 
Heart literally on fire 

Close your eyes, love 
Say goodbye, love 
Let it burn 

Now you sit upon a shelf  
Inside a box, inside a house 
That you once built 
With wood and plaster 
Framing nails and window glass and I’m sure 
Mom will dust you off from time to time 
And try her best 
Not to think to hard about the ending 

And the heat of the funeral pyre 
Your heart literally on fire 

Close your eyes, love 
Say goodbye, love 

A temple turned to ashes 
Mortal returned to earth 

Someday we’ll sell the house 
We’ll move mom out 
And someone new will 
Chop the wood and clean the gutters 
Run the dehumidifier 
And a body’s like a home 
It’s just a vessel overgrown 
With all the love that you put in it 
Without borders love’s infinite 

So light the funeral pyre 
Heart literally on fire 

Close your eyes, love 
Say goodbye, love 
And let it burn 

Smoke rise like memories 
Linger with me 
But let it burn


THE SMELL OF AUTUMN LEAVES

 

The changing of the seasons 
From summer into fall 
And three years ago 
I flew back home after that call 
The birch leaves fade yellow 
Maple turns to red 
And it was just the other day 
That I remembered you were dead 

It was just the other day 
And the day before that too 
Not one hour has passed that I don’t think of losing you 

Now who will be my fortress 
If you’re lost to the world? 
I don’t need to talk about it 
I just want someplace to curl 
Up small and be protected 
Like the child that I once was 
Like how you’d hold me just because 

I had moved to Boston 
A master of my fate  
And by the time I realized what I had done it was too late 
And I wonder if you knew 
How soon death would come for you? 
Did you miss me?  
Did you wish that I’d stayed back to help you through? 

And will you be my fortress  
At the end of the world? 
I don’t need to talk about it 
I just want someplace to curl  
Up small and be forgiven 
For the things I could not give 
Squeeze me tight like I’m a kid 
And let me try it all again 

My head upon your chest then 
Your golden girl returned 
I memorized your every breath 
And cursed the lesson I had learned 
And you were strong as ever 
Right until the end 
Your arms strung tight like Popeye 
And your will could not be bent 

But I couldn’t stay for long 
And day by day you still held on 
So I kissed you on the forehead 
And had to leave you just at dawn 

And as the plane touched down 1,500 miles away 
You took your final breath 
And they called me just to say 

Will you be my fortress 
At the end of the world? 
I don’t need to talk about it 
I just want someplace to curl 
Up small and be reminded 
Of what goodbye really means 
Like the smell of autumn leaves 
Coming back to me 

 

GAME CHANGER, 2019

GARDEN

I’ve been dreaming ‘bout a garden 
I want to be the kind of girl who doesn’t kill a garden 
I want to pay the bills and still not kill the garden 

I want to be successful 
In my love and my art 
Want to finish what I start 
Successful 
Not the status, the wealth 
But my passion, my health 
Successful 

Heart of our nation’s pride 
To never be satisfied 
Why would you settle
Why would you crawl 
If you can have it all? 

I need a vacation 
From chasing my dreams 
Don’t we all need a vacation? 
I want to write a good song 
Have long talks with my mom 
With patience 

Heart of our nation’s pride 
to never be satisfied 
Bigger and better and never enough 
We want time with our families 
But family’s what screwed us up in the first place 
With dreams of our futures 
A job and a marriage 
Resolve at the new year 
Why would you settle 
Why would you crawl 
If you could have it all? 
If you could have it all? 

I want to be grateful.

 

HOLY ARE WE 

Holy are we 
With her hand on my knee 
An unyielding reverie 

Blessed her lips 
And the turn of her wrists 
Try and tempt me, I will not resist 

Oh, if my greatest sin 
Is to love her well 
You can send me to hell 

Patience and prayer 
With her hand in my hair 
Fears relieved, burdens shared 

If my greatest sin  
Is to love her well 
You can send me to hell 

Holding my breath 
With her hand at my breast 
We are sacred and nothing less 

If my greatest sin 
Is to love her well 
You can send me to hell 
Send me to hell 

For loving well

 

IN AMERICA

One by one we fall in line  
To reach for the precious prize 
to the promised land singing yes we can 
stomachs bigger than our eyes 
Oh it’s yelled out loud 
and it’s murmured low 
there’s a chance for you and me 
to have all we dreamed and even more it seems 
that’s the curse of liberty 

Welcome to America 
The land of the rich and free 
Where hard work gets rewarded  
And the money grows on trees 
Well it’s rags to riches baby that’s our story 
And we’re sticking to it 
If you don’t make it big 
You can’t claim the game was rigged,  
‘Cause in America you manifest your own destiny 

So stack the deck and deal a hand 
And if your Daddy’s rich 
Every card you hold will be turned to gold 
for a white man and his tricks 
And you’ll stop to think as you comb your hair 
and straighten out your tie 
How the bottom few could be privileged too 
if they’d buckle down and try 

Welcome to America 
The land of the rich and free 
Where hard work gets rewarded  
And the money grows on trees 
Well it’s rags to riches baby that’s our story 
And we’re sticking to it 
If you don’t make it big 
You can’t claim the game was rigged,  
‘Cause in America you manifest your own destiny 

Tunnel vision makes you stronger 
narcissism is the way to get ahead 
Don’t you ever stop to wonder 
about the ones that had to pay to make your bed 

Ninety-nine we fall behind while one fool takes the prize 
But we won’t stay down forever 
See it twitching in our eyes 
A revolution is on it’s way 
And there’s nowhere to hide 
All the earnings that you’ve stolen 
All your greed and all your pride 

Welcome to America 
The land of the filthy free 
Where hard work gets you nowhere 
And the money is diseased 
Well it’s rags to riches baby that’s a tall-tale 
But we are sticking to it 
Cause if you make it big 
In America you manifest your own destiny 
In America they say the rest is history

 

GAME CHANGER

I want to be me 
Wanna be my truest self 
I want to work hard and play hard 
And get my fill 
And I want to see you  
See you in the afternoon light 
With your doubts and your certainties 
All in sight 

I am scared 
But I am steady 
I could love you  
If you are ready 

Game changer, cling to me 
Fill your lungs with gold and rubies 
Rule breaker, it might hurt me 
But love is grand and we are worthy 

I will lean against your hard lines 
But I can hold the tenderness too 
I will lift you up, you lift me up 
Like dreamers do 
And I will learn to take up space 
You’ll learn again to bend your walls 
And together we’ll remember how to fall 

I am scared 
But I am steady  
I could love you 
If you are ready 

Game changer, cling to me 
Fill your lungs with gold and rubies 
Rule breaker, it might hurt me 
But love is grand and we are worthy 

I give up, I give in 
How deep the cut 
How quick you sink beneath my skin 

I give up, I give in 
You’re enough  
And this is somewhere to begin again 

I am scared 
But I am steady 
I could love you 
If you are ready

 

SINCERELY

We were tiny young things 
When they filled our heads with love songs 
The fabled romantic affair 
Now we spend our days longing 
For that one true love to keep us 
From a long lonely despair 

And we fall for it hard 
Yes we play by the rules 
So bewitched by the target but oh, 
And how cruel it seems 
Such an unforgiving dream 
We’ve been set up for a crushing defeat 

Tell me who measures up 
To the fantasies, the fiction? 
Who reads the thoughts in your head? 
What if love is ordinary 
Like patience and forgiveness 
And taking turns making the bed? 

I’m a cynic these days 
But I want to believe 
A more humble endeavor might still be 
Worth working toward 
Your dirty clothes all on the floor 
Maybe romance loving is a hard earned reward 

Is it hope or delusion? 
Are we heroes or human? 
I’ve come to believe 
Something in between 

See, there you are so imperfect 
There you are and it’s clear 
I don’t have the words yet  
But love 
Sincerely 
I am willing 
And what greater oath  
Can an honest heart make?

 

RABBIT IN THE ROAD, 2017

YOU’RE THROUGH

I learned to love you 
Though I never thought I could 
Learned to take you in stride 
Learned to jump when I should 
And you tell me you’re through 
You tell me you’re through 
But that doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop loving you 

Remember kisses 
Hornets buzzing above us? 
Remember singing our songs? 
Remember how much they loved us? 
And you tell me you’re through 
You tell me you’re through 
But that doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop loving you 

You’ll scream and cry 
On someone else’s shoulder 
And I’ll know for sure then 
We’ll both know it’s over 
And you tell me you’re through 
You tell me you’re through 
And somehow I’ll learn to stop loving you 

 

DEEP BRUISES 

Erase the past and start anew 
In time you’ll do just like you always do 
You keep walking down the same old path 
Expecting a different view 
But honey 
No one’s as predictable 
Predictable as you 

You go round and round 
Keep falling on the same hard ground 
Brush the dirt off of your knees 
Flash a smile so no one sees 
And hide your deep bruises, deep 

Somebody new will always come along 
And just like me they’ll learn  
To blame the siren’s song 
You’re so quick to profess your love 
A moment’s certainty 
But honey 
Not everyone is as gullible 
As gullible as me 

You go round and round 
Keep falling on the same hard ground 
Brush the dirt off of your knees 
Don’t stick around to watch me bleed 
‘Cause I see your deep bruises, deep 

The happy couple strikes a perfect pose 
But everything that’s new must turn to old 
And then what? And then what? 

And then you’ll erase the past and start again 
You keep fighting loneliness with 
Man after woman after man 
You say forever like it means something 
Like you have never said it before 
But honey 
Nobody believes your broken record anymore 

You go round and round 
Keep falling on the same hard ground 
Wipe the dirt off of your knees 
Someone call the doctor please 
And heal those deep bruises, deep 
And heal those deep bruises, deep 

 

READY FREDDIE 

I can’t keep you from the world 
The world is closing in 
And I can’t teach you to become the things 
I wish I could have been 
You can’t make the time go faster 
And I can’t slow it down at all 
I can’t make you learn your lesson 
Each time you trip and fall 

But I will be right behind 
Cheering you on all the time, all the time 

When you were small I had the answers 
And you believed without a doubt 
Now you’re never satisfied  
Until you try it for yourself 
You’re pushing for your freedom 
Then you’re pulling back in fear 
Well, it’s a mess 
But it’s a beautiful thing, my dear 

And I will be right behind 
Cheering you on all the time 

‘Cause I know you can take it 
I believe that you will make it 
On your own somehow 
Maybe not right now 
But I can see you’re almost ready 
Do you think you’re ready, Freddie? 
Say it right out loud 
You’re gonna make me proud 

Where’d you learn to be so brave? 
How’d you grow to be so tall? 
The way you know exactly what you want 
And how to win it all 
You’re trying on your conscience 
And you’ll make a few mistakes 
But all hurts can be forgiven 
If you look them in the face 

And I will be right behind 
Cheering you on all the time 

‘Cause I know you can take it 
I believe that you will make it 
On your own somehow 
Maybe not right now 
But I can see you’re almost ready 
Do you think you’re ready, Freddie? 
Say it right out loud 
You’re gonna make me proud 

 

UP FROM DOWN 

Go ahead and find a good friend 
And see what he can give you 
And if he’s better than me 
If he likes to drink coffee 
If he’s got what you need 
And he makes you feel pretty 

Then go ahead and tell me I’m no good 
You’ll say I’m good, just not good for you 
You never knew what was missing 
‘Til you saw for yourself 
And I wasn’t listening 
Until the ceiling fell 

But now I don’t know up from down 
All I knew for certain came crashing around me 
You take the car and hit the town with your new best friend 
And I’ll be waiting in bed 

You say you want to give it one last try 
But the competition is reeling high 
How do you think I’ll compare 
If he likes to go dancing 
The fight isn’t fair 
And it’s our family you’re chancing 

And even if we’re not a perfect fit 
I say that really no one is 
We all have things to offer 
And we all fall short 
You promised you’d love me 
Even if it got hard 

But now I don’t know up from down 
All I knew for certain came crashing around me 
I’ll spend my time hoping you won’t change your mind again 
And I’ll be waiting in bed 

I promise to love you 
And love myself 
Through good or bad 
I promise that 
I will try my best to stick by you 

But even so there’s no denying 
God knows you’re bad at lying 
I can tell that you’re happy  
When I’m not around 
Like I’ve been holding you back 
Like I’ve been holding you down 

And I could stay just like our parents did 
Unhappy for the sake of the kids 
You could leave me for someone 
And then leave them too 
Why don’t you do what comes easy 
But I’ll do something new 

But now I don’t know up from down 
All I knew for certain came crashing around me 
I’m tired of fighting for a life that wasn’t meant to be 
I guess it’s time I set myself free 

 

STILL MY WIFE 

Hearts and flowers, a trillion hours 
Christmas trees to dress 
Us slow dancing in the kitchen 
Chicken soup with a kiss 

You were still my wife 
When you looked ahead 
And you were still my wife 
Making plans like I was dead 
You were still my wife 
With your eyes set fast 
On the boy you said 
Didn’t mean a thing 

Compromise and codependence 
Promises above all 
Waking up from the same old nightmare 
Why’d you let me fall? 

You were still my wife 
When you came home late 
And you were still my wife 
As I lay in bed awake 
You were still my wife 
Lying through your teeth 
About a boy you said 
Didn’t mean a thing 

Well, I know you didn’t make a move 
Until you told me it was through 
But I heard you dreaming about it 
While I was lying next to you 

And you were still my wife 
When you held his hand 
You were still my wife 
When you told him he was your man 
You were still my wife 
Making love in my old bed 
To the boy you said 
Didn’t mean a thing 
You told me he didn’t mean anything 
Looks like he meant something after all 

 

DON’T NEED ANYONE 

I’ve been thinking 
I could have started drinking 
I could have smoked a pack a day 
Sold my things and moved away 
I could have fallen to the gloom 
Locked myself up in my room 
I could have fucked the whole damn town 
You know they never would have turned me down 

But I don’t need anyone but myself 
These two hands are strong enough 
To carry me through hell 
And I don’t need kisses 
I don’t need whispers in the dark 
If I am gonna fall apart 
I’ll put my own self back together 

In the eye of the storm 
A certain kind of strength is born 
I’m not the type to run and hide 
I drew my sword and stepped inside 
You think I need a lover 
To save me from my grief 
Well I don’t want distractions 
I don’t need your second-hand relief 

And I don’t need anyone but myself 
These two hands are strong enough 
To carry me through hell 
And I don’t need kisses 
I don’t need whispers in the dark 
If I am gonna fall apart 
I’ll put my own self back together 

Highest highs, making eyes 
Electric hands, long nights 
Well love is fine, but now is not the time 

It hasn’t been pretty 
I’ve fallen hard down on my knees 
And leaned on a few good friends 
‘Til I could stand on my own again 
When I’m ready for kisses 
I’ll be sure to let you know 
In the meantime I’ve got plans to make 
In the meantime I need room to grow 

And I don’t need anyone but myself 
These two hands are strong enough 
To carry me through hell 
And I don’t need kisses 
I don’t need whispers in the dark 
If I am gonna fall apart 
I’ll put my own self back together 

 

RABBIT IN THE ROAD 

You’re scared of getting stuck 
Scared to be alone 
You’re scared of your own history 
And now you’re scared of all my songs 
But there’s a beating in your chest 
Just like the one in mine 
And I remember you smiling 
I remember all the time 

Oh, we’ll still grow old 
Not side by side but on our own 
I cannot say I trust you 
And I don’t want to be your friend 
But I think I see your goodness again 

Your love is unsurpassed 
It burns bright and it burns fast 
It’s not the kind of love you can count on 
But it’s stunning while it lasts 
You’re driven by the impulse 
It never lets you rest 
And I know you didn’t mean to hurt me 
You just did what you do best 

Oh, we’ll still grow old 
Not side by side but on our own 
I cannot say I trust you 
And I don’t want to be your friend 
But I think I see your goodness again 

Sparkling eyes in a crowded room 
I still think of you in the springtime 
When your favorite flowers bloom 
When your favorite flowers bloom 

You stepped out of the car 
For the rabbit in the road 
You couldn’t bear to watch him suffer 
Lying mangled in the snow 
With your hands around his neck 
You spared his misery 
How swift you gave that rabbit 
What you couldn’t give to me 

Oh, we’ll still grow old 
Not side by side but on our own 
I cannot say I trust you 
And I don’t want to be your friend 
But I think I see your goodness again 

 

MAMA 

I know I haven’t been perfect 
I never claimed to be 
But every parent says that it’s worth it 
And I can’t disagree 
I was just a child myself 
When I made my mind up to be  
Yours forever 

You were my baby 
And I was your mama 
Right now everything is changing 
But that’s not gonna 
‘Cause I made a promise 
And I’m going to keep it 
It’s not blood that makes it true 
It’s the love I have for you 

And every lullabye 
Every kiss goodnight 
Every time I tied your shoes 
Every ride home from school 
Every tooth-fairy dime 
Every five minute time-out 
I am yours, always. 

I’m not just your used-to-be-stepmom 
You’re not just my used-to-be-kid 
Until the end of time, it might take long 
I’m gonna love you like I always did 
You’re on my mind day and night 
Crossing my fingers as I watch you take flight 

And you’re still my baby 
I’m still you’re mama 
Right now everything is changing 
But that’s not gonna 
‘Cause I made a promise 
And I’m gonna keep it 
It’s not blood that makes it true 
It’s the love I have for you  
And every fight, every tear 
Every middle school fear 
Every teenage romance 
And your first awkward slow dance 
All the trampoline fun 
When your homework is done 
I am yours, always 

When you’re sick, when you’re sleepy 
Any reason that you need me 
To help with math or braid your hair 
Call my name and I’ll be there 
Remember running in the rain? 
Remember snuggles under blankets? 
Drawing pictures on your back 
Do you remember that? 

Soon you’ll be a lady 
But I’ll still be your mama 
Right now everything is changing 
But that’s not gonna 
‘Cause I made a promise 
And I keep my promises 
It’s not blood that makes it true 
It’s the love I have for you 

And every graduation day 
Every love that walks away 
Every job, every move 
Every time you try out something new 
And if the day comes 
That someone calls you “Mama” 
I’ll be there, I am yours, always 

 

HIT BY A BUS 

Call off your spies 
I don’t want your eyes upon me 
And if you wonder how I am doing 
Just use your imagination, honey 

I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus 
Feel like I am just holding on 
I’m grieving like you would 
If I had taken all that’s good 
And ripped it from your hands 
But yeah, I’m doing great 
And I cannot say I hate 
The thought of never seeing you again 

You cut my best leg off 
Above the knee 
And I will learn to thrive without it 
But how dare you turn around 
And punish me 
For the limp, for the scars I am left with? 
Do they make you uncomfortable? 

I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus 
Feel like I am just holding on 
I cry like you would cry 
If a bomb fell from the sky 
And wiped away everything you loved 
But yeah, I’m doing fine 
And I cannot say I mind 
The thought of never seeing you again 

I will forgive you, but I won’t forget 
Your greed it undid you 
And I know exactly what to expect 

I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus 
Feel like I am just holding on  
But if pain can light a fire 
Then watch me burn across the sky brighter 
Than any star you have ever seen before 
And don’t you even try 
To take credit when I fly 

Hell yes I’m doing great 
And I cannot say I hate 
The thought of never seeing you again 

 

I PRAY 

I can’t breathe 
I can’t eat 
I can’t keep this heart  
Beat-beating 
I’m a warrior 
I’m a wreck 
I can’t remember happy 
But I can’t forget 

And I would do anything 
But there is nothing I can do 
So I lace my fingers 
And I pray for you 

I pray, I pray 
To no one in particular 
That they help you find your way 
I pray, I pray 
That my love will keep you safe 
Yes, at the start of every day I pray 

My hands are tied 
My eyes are bleeding 
My mind stays up all night 
Solving puzzles on the ceiling 
And should I fight harder? 
Did I let you down? 
I can feel you slipping away 
I can feel myself drowning 

And I would do anything 
But there is nothing I can do 
So I lace my fingers 
And I pray for you 

I pray, I pray 
To no one in particular 
That they help you find your way 
I pray, I pray 
That my love will keep you safe 
My darling, each and every day I pray 

 

BREAK WIDE OPEN 

Hold that thought 
Hold the door 
You see me crying at the grocery store 
Have you ever been so sad before 
Like smashing dishes 
Like knees to the floor 
You can’t keep it quiet 
Can’t hold it tight 
There’s no use in putting up a fight 
So surrender 
But remember 

When your heart aches and won’t bend 
Let it break wide open 
Let it break wide open 
To love with all that you are made of 

Sometimes a blessing will come 
In a painful disguise 
The weight of the blow will open your eyes 
And though the hurt doesn’t leave 
You’ll set it aside 
Learn to forgive and you’ll learn to survive 
In the wake of sorrow, love holds fast 
The kindness of strangers like sun at your back 
So remember 
To surrender 

When your heart aches and won’t bend 
Let it break wide open 
Let it break wide open 
To love with all that you are made of
All that you are made of