MY FATHER LOVED ME, 2023
MY FATHER LOVED ME
There’s a sharp looking man with a farmer's tan
In my baby book
Shoulders back, he leaned in to a broken world
He had a head of curls like his baby girl
And a devilish grin
He was a tender hearted trickster
And I’m a lot like him
And my father loved me
When he could not love himself
He put his faith in me
When he was certain he would fail
So when the world has been unkind
And doubts weigh on my mind
I try and love myself the way my father loved me
You won’t say it out loud
You’re far too proud
But it’s plain to see
How his demons follow you
Just like they follow me
Between the three of us
There’s a lot of him
We got the good and bad
A steady hand
And a habit for getting oh, so sad
But our father loved us
When he could not love himself
He put his faith in us
When he was certain he would fail
So when the world has been unkind
And doubts weigh on your mind
Try and love yourself the way our father loved us
Like licorice and tobacco and spearmint gum
When the worry’s coming for you, you better run run run
There’s a ghost of a man at the back of every hall I sing
And he’s a braggart, he claims his daughter could do anything
I wanna be just like him and nothing like him
At the very same time
And my father loved me
When he couldn’t love himself
How he believed in me
When he was certain he would fail
So when the world has been unkind
And darkness weighs upon my mind
I try, I try
And love myself the way my father loved me
HOW I WAS MADE
On a piece of drafting paper
18x24
Just before the metric system
Moved its way across the North
A young man wrote a letter
Wrote the longest letter ever
To his girl back in the States
And that’s how I was made
She was bright and level-headed
Quick to rail against the rules
He was kind and playful
Determined and true
And so they built a life together
Six months and then forever
In a church back in the States
And that’s how I was made
This is love
This ‘when can I see you?’
This ‘you’re on my mind’
The rushing in blind
This is love
Let the clock run a decade or two
And what do you have left
But a sense of obligation
And the memory of romance
And the children outside playing
The mortgage that needs paying
Was it all a mistake?
And that’s how I was made
This is love
This sticking it out
This yearn to escape
But choosing to stay
This is love
She’ll ask if he ate
And she’ll make him a plate
And he’ll remember Valentine roses
Time takes two lovers
And turns them to family
Familiar, but no less devoted
To bend and never break
Yes that’s how I was made
This is love
This seeing it through
The asking for help
And the bedside farewell
This is love
This is love
This house is too quiet
And all the reminders
of two lives intertwined
This is love
DAD WORKED HARD
My dad worked hard
From the time he was young
To win the respect of his father
The love of his mom
Nobody had high hopes
For the scrappy farm kid
But nobody loved a challenge
Like my old man did
So with his hands and his sweat
With a hammer and a cigarette
Long hours in the hot sun
He laid a foundation
Late for dinner every night
Sunburn and an appetite
In the end he made out alright
With three kids and a frugal wife
My dad worked hard
Did yours work harder?
Is that what his thriving investments prove?
Well, I’m not saying that he didn’t earn the right to take it easy
I’m just saying that I’m pretty sure my dad did too
He got the job done right
No you couldn’t call him lazy
And he wouldn’t overcharge you
Not like the big names did
He’d build a house from the ground up
Run the numbers in his head
He’d make enough to feed the family
And make it home to tuck me into bed
And he never gave up
until his body gave in
And his mind grew thin
No you never can tell
How time will treat you
She’s a great deceiver
Now he’s home every night
He’s home every day too
He needs help getting out of his chair
And can’t remember how to tie his shoes
I’ve been looking for the safety net
The one that’s supposed to catch him
When we can’t afford the care he needs
And he worked his whole god damn life
My dad worked hard
Did yours work harder?
Is that what a comfortable retirement proves?
I’m not saying that he didn’t earn the right to take it easy
I’m just saying that I’m pretty sure my dad did too
ONTARIO
Riding in the backseat makes me carsick
Make sure that your sister’s got a bucket
It’ll be a long drive
To your father’s side of the border
Superior, Lake Michigan
And Erie
An annual pilgrimage to prove our place
In the family
Stop at the Big Boy in Marquette
Can I get a root beer? Are we there yet?
Send a postcard from Christmas
Hit the truck stop in St. Ignace
Before we cross the Mackinac
And on through to the
Green tobacco fields of
Southern Ontario
Do you still love my father?
Ontario
Could you love a traitor’s daughter
Bowling five pin at the alley on the corner
Grab a donut from Tim Horton's
Get my accent back in order
Grandma’s elderberry pie
And grandpa’s yard sale finds
And by leaving time
I’m Canadian again
But Dad, do you ever get homesick?
How come they never visit?
And when you're working so hard
Are you just trying to forget?
Are you just trying to forget?
Ontario
Do you still love my father?
Ontario
Could you love a traitor's daughter?
Driving through the night
When I was older
It was my turn at the wheel
But Dad said move on over
Get in back, so I sat
And thought about how easily he falls asleep
When he’s reading, watching tv
Is it safe to shut my eyes
Oh God
The car rolled once
The car rolled twice
The car rolled…
The glass broke…
Before I heard the siren’s cry
I was sure that I had died
Riding in the backseat makes me nervous
Love, don’t bring it up it isn’t worth it
You’ve got to bury it deep
Bury it deep, bury it
Bury it deep, bury it deep
Bury it
Bury it deep, bury it deep
Bury it deep
Like your dad does
FAMILY SECRETS
My arms are too long for my body
And my hands are too big for my arms
But my dad
Part man, part orangutan
Held me close and he kept me from harm
So why waste my time
Wishing that I were proportionate?
And my skin is too thin for my family
How they laugh at my sensitive ways
Whether I’m happy or sad
I cry just like my dad
But I am proud to let it be named
I may be soft but I am not ashamed
And isn’t it brave?
To take what you’ve been given
The parts you kept hidden
The traits you denied
To find a strength
In what looked like a weakness
Take your old family secrets
And wear them with pride
Mmmm
So if your cheeks burn red when you’re nervous
If your hair curls tight in the heat
Know we all came from someplace
You’ve got your great-grandmother’s face
And walk the earth
With your ancestors' steady feet
And isn’t it brave?
To take what you’ve been given
The parts you kept hidden
The traits you denied
To find a strength
In what looked like a weakness
Take your old family secrets
And wear them with pride
BOBBY
You’re going to give your mother a heart attack
Climbing on the rafters of the barn like that
Get your feet on the ground
Your chores done fast
Before the bus comes
Strong as an ox, stubborn as a mule
Still smaller than most the boys at school
The dinner bell rings you’ll eat your weight in food
If they’d let you
At least that's how I imagine you
The kid version of a man that I once knew
Racing your bike down the tree lined street
A notch in your belt for every tractor you beat
The dog at your side and the dirt in the heat
Of the afternoon sun
Dressed for church in your Sunday best
Your holey-est socks in honor of the blessed Savior
Neighbors, family and friends
Gathered around you
Everyone’s a sinner and everyone’s a saint
The kind of small town living
Where everybody knows your name
And there goes Bobby with his eyes of blue
The kid version of a man that I once knew
Did you rule the rink
When the temperature dropped?
Like Bobby Hull taking a slap shot
Like Bobby Ore dancing on ice
Your namesakes on your mind
But you were one of a kind
Bobby
Mind your little sister
While Mum cans the peaches
Swear it wasn’t your fault when she screeches
Get outside and leave the kitchen in peace
Just for once
All the aunts and uncles around the piano
Cowboy tunes and gospel like the Grand Ol’
Opry right there in your living room
Long past bedtime
Bobby
Who did you know and who did you love?
What kind of life were you dreaming of?
Sometimes I like to imagine you
The kid version of a man that I once knew
GHOST OF MY FATHER
Name your faith
And hold to it tight
We all know how this ends
We all hope to be right
But will a myth save your soul?
Do you have one to begin with?
How can you be sure?
I sit quiet and still
With the ghost of my father
Until it is clear
Why he’s dead and I’m here
But where is ‘here’ exactly?
What’s beyond? No one knows
But the ghost of my father
The ghost…
Are our fates predetermined
Am I acting a part?
Oh, the burden of consciousness
The break of the heart
Tell me what makes a life
Worth living or ending
At the edge of the night?
I sit quiet and still
With the ghost of my father
Until it is clear
Why he’s dead and I’m here
But where is ‘here’ exactly?
What’s beyond? No one knows
But the ghosts of our fathers
The ghosts surely know
I am pointlessly searching
Won’t someone assure me?
Will my efforts be wasted?
My existence erased
At my ragged last breath?
Oh, look at me death
Look me straight in the eyes
What does a dying man owe us?
Should he wear a brave face?
Make the leaving look easy?
Surrender with grace?
But you were frightened and small
When the tether gave way
And I have not forgotten
No, I am not the same
I sit quiet and still
With the ghost of my father
Hoping he’ll make it clear
Why he’s dead and I’m here
But where is ‘here’ exactly?
What’s beyond? I’ll never know
‘Til I’m a ghost like my father
A ghost
HEART ON FIRE
Tendon muscle bone
When I’m alone
Sometimes I'll add up all the
Parts that made you whole
The flesh and cartilage
And all I know is
If we go to worms
Or go to flames
It’s all the same
It’s just an end and a beginning
No one’s lost and no one’s winning
So light the funeral pyre
Heart literally on fire
Close your eyes, love
Say goodbye, love
Let it burn
Now you sit upon a shelf
Inside a box, inside a house
That you once built
With wood and plaster
Framing nails and window glass and I’m sure
Mom will dust you off from time to time
And try her best
Not to think to hard about the ending
And the heat of the funeral pyre
Your heart literally on fire
Close your eyes, love
Say goodbye, love
A temple turned to ashes
Mortal returned to earth
Someday we’ll sell the house
We’ll move mom out
And someone new will
Chop the wood and clean the gutters
Run the dehumidifier
And a body’s like a home
It’s just a vessel overgrown
With all the love that you put in it
Without borders love’s infinite
So light the funeral pyre
Heart literally on fire
Close your eyes, love
Say goodbye, love
And let it burn
Smoke rise like memories
Linger with me
But let it burn
THE SMELL OF AUTUMN LEAVES
The changing of the seasons
From summer into fall
And three years ago
I flew back home after that call
The birch leaves fade yellow
Maple turns to red
And it was just the other day
That I remembered you were dead
It was just the other day
And the day before that too
Not one hour has passed that I don’t think of losing you
Now who will be my fortress
If you’re lost to the world?
I don’t need to talk about it
I just want someplace to curl
Up small and be protected
Like the child that I once was
Like how you’d hold me just because
I had moved to Boston
A master of my fate
And by the time I realized what I had done it was too late
And I wonder if you knew
How soon death would come for you?
Did you miss me?
Did you wish that I’d stayed back to help you through?
And will you be my fortress
At the end of the world?
I don’t need to talk about it
I just want someplace to curl
Up small and be forgiven
For the things I could not give
Squeeze me tight like I’m a kid
And let me try it all again
My head upon your chest then
Your golden girl returned
I memorized your every breath
And cursed the lesson I had learned
And you were strong as ever
Right until the end
Your arms strung tight like Popeye
And your will could not be bent
But I couldn’t stay for long
And day by day you still held on
So I kissed you on the forehead
And had to leave you just at dawn
And as the plane touched down 1,500 miles away
You took your final breath
And they called me just to say
Will you be my fortress
At the end of the world?
I don’t need to talk about it
I just want someplace to curl
Up small and be reminded
Of what goodbye really means
Like the smell of autumn leaves
Coming back to me
GAME CHANGER, 2019
GARDEN
I’ve been dreaming ‘bout a garden
I want to be the kind of girl who doesn’t kill a garden
I want to pay the bills and still not kill the garden
I want to be successful
In my love and my art
Want to finish what I start
Successful
Not the status, the wealth
But my passion, my health
Successful
Heart of our nation’s pride
To never be satisfied
Why would you settle
Why would you crawl
If you can have it all?
I need a vacation
From chasing my dreams
Don’t we all need a vacation?
I want to write a good song
Have long talks with my mom
With patience
Heart of our nation’s pride
to never be satisfied
Bigger and better and never enough
We want time with our families
But family’s what screwed us up in the first place
With dreams of our futures
A job and a marriage
Resolve at the new year
Why would you settle
Why would you crawl
If you could have it all?
If you could have it all?
I want to be grateful.
HOLY ARE WE
Holy are we
With her hand on my knee
An unyielding reverie
Blessed her lips
And the turn of her wrists
Try and tempt me, I will not resist
Oh, if my greatest sin
Is to love her well
You can send me to hell
Patience and prayer
With her hand in my hair
Fears relieved, burdens shared
If my greatest sin
Is to love her well
You can send me to hell
Holding my breath
With her hand at my breast
We are sacred and nothing less
If my greatest sin
Is to love her well
You can send me to hell
Send me to hell
For loving well
IN AMERICA
One by one we fall in line
To reach for the precious prize
to the promised land singing yes we can
stomachs bigger than our eyes
Oh it’s yelled out loud
and it’s murmured low
there’s a chance for you and me
to have all we dreamed and even more it seems
that’s the curse of liberty
Welcome to America
The land of the rich and free
Where hard work gets rewarded
And the money grows on trees
Well it’s rags to riches baby that’s our story
And we’re sticking to it
If you don’t make it big
You can’t claim the game was rigged,
‘Cause in America you manifest your own destiny
So stack the deck and deal a hand
And if your Daddy’s rich
Every card you hold will be turned to gold
for a white man and his tricks
And you’ll stop to think as you comb your hair
and straighten out your tie
How the bottom few could be privileged too
if they’d buckle down and try
Welcome to America
The land of the rich and free
Where hard work gets rewarded
And the money grows on trees
Well it’s rags to riches baby that’s our story
And we’re sticking to it
If you don’t make it big
You can’t claim the game was rigged,
‘Cause in America you manifest your own destiny
Tunnel vision makes you stronger
narcissism is the way to get ahead
Don’t you ever stop to wonder
about the ones that had to pay to make your bed
Ninety-nine we fall behind while one fool takes the prize
But we won’t stay down forever
See it twitching in our eyes
A revolution is on it’s way
And there’s nowhere to hide
All the earnings that you’ve stolen
All your greed and all your pride
Welcome to America
The land of the filthy free
Where hard work gets you nowhere
And the money is diseased
Well it’s rags to riches baby that’s a tall-tale
But we are sticking to it
Cause if you make it big
In America you manifest your own destiny
In America they say the rest is history
GAME CHANGER
I want to be me
Wanna be my truest self
I want to work hard and play hard
And get my fill
And I want to see you
See you in the afternoon light
With your doubts and your certainties
All in sight
I am scared
But I am steady
I could love you
If you are ready
Game changer, cling to me
Fill your lungs with gold and rubies
Rule breaker, it might hurt me
But love is grand and we are worthy
I will lean against your hard lines
But I can hold the tenderness too
I will lift you up, you lift me up
Like dreamers do
And I will learn to take up space
You’ll learn again to bend your walls
And together we’ll remember how to fall
I am scared
But I am steady
I could love you
If you are ready
Game changer, cling to me
Fill your lungs with gold and rubies
Rule breaker, it might hurt me
But love is grand and we are worthy
I give up, I give in
How deep the cut
How quick you sink beneath my skin
I give up, I give in
You’re enough
And this is somewhere to begin again
I am scared
But I am steady
I could love you
If you are ready
SINCERELY
We were tiny young things
When they filled our heads with love songs
The fabled romantic affair
Now we spend our days longing
For that one true love to keep us
From a long lonely despair
And we fall for it hard
Yes we play by the rules
So bewitched by the target but oh,
And how cruel it seems
Such an unforgiving dream
We’ve been set up for a crushing defeat
Tell me who measures up
To the fantasies, the fiction?
Who reads the thoughts in your head?
What if love is ordinary
Like patience and forgiveness
And taking turns making the bed?
I’m a cynic these days
But I want to believe
A more humble endeavor might still be
Worth working toward
Your dirty clothes all on the floor
Maybe romance loving is a hard earned reward
Is it hope or delusion?
Are we heroes or human?
I’ve come to believe
Something in between
See, there you are so imperfect
There you are and it’s clear
I don’t have the words yet
But love
Sincerely
I am willing
And what greater oath
Can an honest heart make?
RABBIT IN THE ROAD, 2017
YOU’RE THROUGH
I learned to love you
Though I never thought I could
Learned to take you in stride
Learned to jump when I should
And you tell me you’re through
You tell me you’re through
But that doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop loving you
Remember kisses
Hornets buzzing above us?
Remember singing our songs?
Remember how much they loved us?
And you tell me you’re through
You tell me you’re through
But that doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop loving you
You’ll scream and cry
On someone else’s shoulder
And I’ll know for sure then
We’ll both know it’s over
And you tell me you’re through
You tell me you’re through
And somehow I’ll learn to stop loving you
DEEP BRUISES
Erase the past and start anew
In time you’ll do just like you always do
You keep walking down the same old path
Expecting a different view
But honey
No one’s as predictable
Predictable as you
You go round and round
Keep falling on the same hard ground
Brush the dirt off of your knees
Flash a smile so no one sees
And hide your deep bruises, deep
Somebody new will always come along
And just like me they’ll learn
To blame the siren’s song
You’re so quick to profess your love
A moment’s certainty
But honey
Not everyone is as gullible
As gullible as me
You go round and round
Keep falling on the same hard ground
Brush the dirt off of your knees
Don’t stick around to watch me bleed
‘Cause I see your deep bruises, deep
The happy couple strikes a perfect pose
But everything that’s new must turn to old
And then what? And then what?
And then you’ll erase the past and start again
You keep fighting loneliness with
Man after woman after man
You say forever like it means something
Like you have never said it before
But honey
Nobody believes your broken record anymore
You go round and round
Keep falling on the same hard ground
Wipe the dirt off of your knees
Someone call the doctor please
And heal those deep bruises, deep
And heal those deep bruises, deep
READY FREDDIE
I can’t keep you from the world
The world is closing in
And I can’t teach you to become the things
I wish I could have been
You can’t make the time go faster
And I can’t slow it down at all
I can’t make you learn your lesson
Each time you trip and fall
But I will be right behind
Cheering you on all the time, all the time
When you were small I had the answers
And you believed without a doubt
Now you’re never satisfied
Until you try it for yourself
You’re pushing for your freedom
Then you’re pulling back in fear
Well, it’s a mess
But it’s a beautiful thing, my dear
And I will be right behind
Cheering you on all the time
‘Cause I know you can take it
I believe that you will make it
On your own somehow
Maybe not right now
But I can see you’re almost ready
Do you think you’re ready, Freddie?
Say it right out loud
You’re gonna make me proud
Where’d you learn to be so brave?
How’d you grow to be so tall?
The way you know exactly what you want
And how to win it all
You’re trying on your conscience
And you’ll make a few mistakes
But all hurts can be forgiven
If you look them in the face
And I will be right behind
Cheering you on all the time
‘Cause I know you can take it
I believe that you will make it
On your own somehow
Maybe not right now
But I can see you’re almost ready
Do you think you’re ready, Freddie?
Say it right out loud
You’re gonna make me proud
UP FROM DOWN
Go ahead and find a good friend
And see what he can give you
And if he’s better than me
If he likes to drink coffee
If he’s got what you need
And he makes you feel pretty
Then go ahead and tell me I’m no good
You’ll say I’m good, just not good for you
You never knew what was missing
‘Til you saw for yourself
And I wasn’t listening
Until the ceiling fell
But now I don’t know up from down
All I knew for certain came crashing around me
You take the car and hit the town with your new best friend
And I’ll be waiting in bed
You say you want to give it one last try
But the competition is reeling high
How do you think I’ll compare
If he likes to go dancing
The fight isn’t fair
And it’s our family you’re chancing
And even if we’re not a perfect fit
I say that really no one is
We all have things to offer
And we all fall short
You promised you’d love me
Even if it got hard
But now I don’t know up from down
All I knew for certain came crashing around me
I’ll spend my time hoping you won’t change your mind again
And I’ll be waiting in bed
I promise to love you
And love myself
Through good or bad
I promise that
I will try my best to stick by you
But even so there’s no denying
God knows you’re bad at lying
I can tell that you’re happy
When I’m not around
Like I’ve been holding you back
Like I’ve been holding you down
And I could stay just like our parents did
Unhappy for the sake of the kids
You could leave me for someone
And then leave them too
Why don’t you do what comes easy
But I’ll do something new
But now I don’t know up from down
All I knew for certain came crashing around me
I’m tired of fighting for a life that wasn’t meant to be
I guess it’s time I set myself free
STILL MY WIFE
Hearts and flowers, a trillion hours
Christmas trees to dress
Us slow dancing in the kitchen
Chicken soup with a kiss
You were still my wife
When you looked ahead
And you were still my wife
Making plans like I was dead
You were still my wife
With your eyes set fast
On the boy you said
Didn’t mean a thing
Compromise and codependence
Promises above all
Waking up from the same old nightmare
Why’d you let me fall?
You were still my wife
When you came home late
And you were still my wife
As I lay in bed awake
You were still my wife
Lying through your teeth
About a boy you said
Didn’t mean a thing
Well, I know you didn’t make a move
Until you told me it was through
But I heard you dreaming about it
While I was lying next to you
And you were still my wife
When you held his hand
You were still my wife
When you told him he was your man
You were still my wife
Making love in my old bed
To the boy you said
Didn’t mean a thing
You told me he didn’t mean anything
Looks like he meant something after all
DON’T NEED ANYONE
I’ve been thinking
I could have started drinking
I could have smoked a pack a day
Sold my things and moved away
I could have fallen to the gloom
Locked myself up in my room
I could have fucked the whole damn town
You know they never would have turned me down
But I don’t need anyone but myself
These two hands are strong enough
To carry me through hell
And I don’t need kisses
I don’t need whispers in the dark
If I am gonna fall apart
I’ll put my own self back together
In the eye of the storm
A certain kind of strength is born
I’m not the type to run and hide
I drew my sword and stepped inside
You think I need a lover
To save me from my grief
Well I don’t want distractions
I don’t need your second-hand relief
And I don’t need anyone but myself
These two hands are strong enough
To carry me through hell
And I don’t need kisses
I don’t need whispers in the dark
If I am gonna fall apart
I’ll put my own self back together
Highest highs, making eyes
Electric hands, long nights
Well love is fine, but now is not the time
It hasn’t been pretty
I’ve fallen hard down on my knees
And leaned on a few good friends
‘Til I could stand on my own again
When I’m ready for kisses
I’ll be sure to let you know
In the meantime I’ve got plans to make
In the meantime I need room to grow
And I don’t need anyone but myself
These two hands are strong enough
To carry me through hell
And I don’t need kisses
I don’t need whispers in the dark
If I am gonna fall apart
I’ll put my own self back together
RABBIT IN THE ROAD
You’re scared of getting stuck
Scared to be alone
You’re scared of your own history
And now you’re scared of all my songs
But there’s a beating in your chest
Just like the one in mine
And I remember you smiling
I remember all the time
Oh, we’ll still grow old
Not side by side but on our own
I cannot say I trust you
And I don’t want to be your friend
But I think I see your goodness again
Your love is unsurpassed
It burns bright and it burns fast
It’s not the kind of love you can count on
But it’s stunning while it lasts
You’re driven by the impulse
It never lets you rest
And I know you didn’t mean to hurt me
You just did what you do best
Oh, we’ll still grow old
Not side by side but on our own
I cannot say I trust you
And I don’t want to be your friend
But I think I see your goodness again
Sparkling eyes in a crowded room
I still think of you in the springtime
When your favorite flowers bloom
When your favorite flowers bloom
You stepped out of the car
For the rabbit in the road
You couldn’t bear to watch him suffer
Lying mangled in the snow
With your hands around his neck
You spared his misery
How swift you gave that rabbit
What you couldn’t give to me
Oh, we’ll still grow old
Not side by side but on our own
I cannot say I trust you
And I don’t want to be your friend
But I think I see your goodness again
MAMA
I know I haven’t been perfect
I never claimed to be
But every parent says that it’s worth it
And I can’t disagree
I was just a child myself
When I made my mind up to be
Yours forever
You were my baby
And I was your mama
Right now everything is changing
But that’s not gonna
‘Cause I made a promise
And I’m going to keep it
It’s not blood that makes it true
It’s the love I have for you
And every lullabye
Every kiss goodnight
Every time I tied your shoes
Every ride home from school
Every tooth-fairy dime
Every five minute time-out
I am yours, always.
I’m not just your used-to-be-stepmom
You’re not just my used-to-be-kid
Until the end of time, it might take long
I’m gonna love you like I always did
You’re on my mind day and night
Crossing my fingers as I watch you take flight
And you’re still my baby
I’m still you’re mama
Right now everything is changing
But that’s not gonna
‘Cause I made a promise
And I’m gonna keep it
It’s not blood that makes it true
It’s the love I have for you
And every fight, every tear
Every middle school fear
Every teenage romance
And your first awkward slow dance
All the trampoline fun
When your homework is done
I am yours, always
When you’re sick, when you’re sleepy
Any reason that you need me
To help with math or braid your hair
Call my name and I’ll be there
Remember running in the rain?
Remember snuggles under blankets?
Drawing pictures on your back
Do you remember that?
Soon you’ll be a lady
But I’ll still be your mama
Right now everything is changing
But that’s not gonna
‘Cause I made a promise
And I keep my promises
It’s not blood that makes it true
It’s the love I have for you
And every graduation day
Every love that walks away
Every job, every move
Every time you try out something new
And if the day comes
That someone calls you “Mama”
I’ll be there, I am yours, always
HIT BY A BUS
Call off your spies
I don’t want your eyes upon me
And if you wonder how I am doing
Just use your imagination, honey
I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus
Feel like I am just holding on
I’m grieving like you would
If I had taken all that’s good
And ripped it from your hands
But yeah, I’m doing great
And I cannot say I hate
The thought of never seeing you again
You cut my best leg off
Above the knee
And I will learn to thrive without it
But how dare you turn around
And punish me
For the limp, for the scars I am left with?
Do they make you uncomfortable?
I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus
Feel like I am just holding on
I cry like you would cry
If a bomb fell from the sky
And wiped away everything you loved
But yeah, I’m doing fine
And I cannot say I mind
The thought of never seeing you again
I will forgive you, but I won’t forget
Your greed it undid you
And I know exactly what to expect
I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus
Feel like I am just holding on
But if pain can light a fire
Then watch me burn across the sky brighter
Than any star you have ever seen before
And don’t you even try
To take credit when I fly
Hell yes I’m doing great
And I cannot say I hate
The thought of never seeing you again
I PRAY
I can’t breathe
I can’t eat
I can’t keep this heart
Beat-beating
I’m a warrior
I’m a wreck
I can’t remember happy
But I can’t forget
And I would do anything
But there is nothing I can do
So I lace my fingers
And I pray for you
I pray, I pray
To no one in particular
That they help you find your way
I pray, I pray
That my love will keep you safe
Yes, at the start of every day I pray
My hands are tied
My eyes are bleeding
My mind stays up all night
Solving puzzles on the ceiling
And should I fight harder?
Did I let you down?
I can feel you slipping away
I can feel myself drowning
And I would do anything
But there is nothing I can do
So I lace my fingers
And I pray for you
I pray, I pray
To no one in particular
That they help you find your way
I pray, I pray
That my love will keep you safe
My darling, each and every day I pray
BREAK WIDE OPEN
Hold that thought
Hold the door
You see me crying at the grocery store
Have you ever been so sad before
Like smashing dishes
Like knees to the floor
You can’t keep it quiet
Can’t hold it tight
There’s no use in putting up a fight
So surrender
But remember
When your heart aches and won’t bend
Let it break wide open
Let it break wide open
To love with all that you are made of
Sometimes a blessing will come
In a painful disguise
The weight of the blow will open your eyes
And though the hurt doesn’t leave
You’ll set it aside
Learn to forgive and you’ll learn to survive
In the wake of sorrow, love holds fast
The kindness of strangers like sun at your back
So remember
To surrender
When your heart aches and won’t bend
Let it break wide open
Let it break wide open
To love with all that you are made of
All that you are made of